I Used a Card Deck to Talk About Money With My Husband

As I reported an article on how to talk about money with family members, I asked financial and etiquette experts how to handle difficult conversations around estate planning, splitting costs on a family trip and more.

One way to start a conversation is with a game. For example, “Let’s Talk Finances, Couples Edition,” is a deck of cards created by Erika Wasserman, a financial therapist based in the Miami, Florida area. It’s designed to spark useful discussions that can be hard to start.

There are other financial games on the market, too. Financial literacy-themed memory cards, board games with banking and budgeting topics — including the classic ones, Life and Monopoly — and stock market video games can all lead to useful conversations about money that you wouldn’t otherwise have.

How to talk about money

My husband and I have regular money dates where we talk about budgeting and costs we could trim, but it’s harder for us to find time for more open-ended discussions that lack a clear task. So one night as we prepared dinner, I decided to use Wasserman’s deck of cards to start a different kind of money conversation.

Provide ample warning

First, I gave my husband a heads up that we would be talking about money. “Timing is everything,” she says. If someone is hungry or tired, it might not be the right time to tackle a money conversation.

My husband seemed more curious than alarmed so I pulled out the first question. “What does the word money mean to you?”

He pondered it for a moment. “It’s how I get the stuff I need,” he said.

I nodded. “For me it’s the ability to do what you want with your life.” We seemed to be in basic agreement.

Our teenage daughter, who was eavesdropping nearby, rolled her eyes. “It’s just currency,” she said. We were off to a solid start.

Embrace the awkwardness

The next question involved our daughter more directly. “Do you believe adult children should support their parents financially?”

She shook her head vehemently. “Parents should always support you,” she declared.

My husband, however, suggested the opposite. We had an interesting mini-debate about family relationships and how they can shift over time, and by the end of it, I was ready for a breather.

Luckily, the next question was lighter. “Which monthly bill do you most enjoy paying? Why?”

I thought my husband was going to say his student loan bill because it represents his education. But he named his Audible subscription instead because he loves listening to audiobooks while commuting to work. I am often tempted to cancel that recurring expense, so it was good for me to learn how important it is to him.

My favorite is the monthly gas bill for heating because it represents home and comfort to me, especially in the winter months. Our daughter, who is too young to be responsible for any bills, couldn’t fathom the idea that we liked paying for any of them.

We also discussed how our families talked about money growing up (never for him, frequently for me) and named the highest dollar amount we would spend without consulting the other person (we landed on a similar number). It was all helpful and felt good to discuss openly, even with a skeptical teenager nearby.

Allow for meandering conversations

These types of financial prompts can help you learn about a family member’s financial hopes and dreams, which you might not otherwise have a chance to discuss. It also makes it easier to bring up difficult topics that can cause conflict.

The next time we have to deal with a more serious money topic — like how to help a family member in need — we’ll be more ready for that conversation.

Skip the hard questions — for now

If you get a card that asks a question you really don’t want to answer, simply put it back in the pile for later.

Maybe one day, I’ll tackle some of the more challenging questions in the deck, such as, “What do I spend money on that annoys you?”

For now, though, I’ll let my husband keep those thoughts to himself.