Smart Money Podcast: Reduce Financial Anxiety Now: Actionable Tips from a Live Planning Session (Video Episode)

Welcome to NerdWallet’s Smart Money podcast, where we answer your real-world money questions. In this episode:

A certified financial planner helps a listener turn financial anxiety into actionable steps for budgeting, investing, and achieving financial peace of mind.

How can you be more comfortable spending money? What are strategies for combating financial anxiety? Host Sean Pyles sits in on a live financial planning session where Magda Doemeny, a certified financial planner from the NerdWallet Advisors platform, gives a listener (also named Sean) specific advice to reduce anxiety around their finances (advice given on behalf of Nerdwallet Advisors, not NerdWallet). They begin with a discussion of Sean's personal financial journey before Magda offers tips and tricks on setting clear short to medium-term goals, compartmentalizing savings to reduce stress, and understanding the risks and rewards of investing. She recommends actionable steps for helping him enjoy his money more without needing to stress over where every dollar is spent.

​​NerdWallet Advisory LLC (dba NerdWallet Advisors) is an SEC-registered investment advisor, and wholly owned subsidiary of NerdWallet, Inc. The advice provided in this episode of Smart Money was for illustrative purposes only and not intended as financial or investment advice specific to your personal facts or circumstances.

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Have a money question? Text or call us at 901-730-6373. Or you can email us at [email protected]. To hear previous episodes, go to the podcast homepage.

Episode transcript

This transcript was generated from podcast audio by an AI tool.

Sean Pyles:

Welcome to NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast, where you send us your money questions and we answer them with the help of our genius Nerds. I'm Sean Pyles. This episode, we are continuing our series where we give a listener a financial planning session in partnership with a NerdWallet Advisors platform. This time around, we'll help a listener who has a million dollars in assets but is worried about whether they're doing the right thing with their money.

We're coming to you from a studio in Los Angeles, and we'll be talking in person with our listener. But before we get to that, I'd like to bring back Magda Doemeny. She's a Certified Financial Planner from NerdWallet Advisors. One thing I want to be clear about is that Magda and NerdWallet Advisors are a distinct platform from NerdWallet. Magda will give our listeners some specific advice to improve their finances. And that advice will be given on behalf of NerdWallet Advisors, not NerdWallet. Also, we want to mention that in exchange for participating in this series, our listener is getting a free membership for a year of NerdWallet Advisors. Magda, welcome back to Smart Money.

Magda Doemeny:

Thanks, Sean.

Sean Pyles:

So, we've had you on before. But for those who need a refresher, can you talk with us about what the NerdWallet Advisors platform is and what you do there?

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah. So again, my name is Magda Doemeny, and I am an advisor at the NerdWallet Advisors team. What we offer is affordable financial planning memberships with access to a certified financial planner like myself, for a low monthly fee. With that membership, what we'll do is go over your finances and come up with a financial plan and some action items that you can start to execute on really quickly. And you'll get unlimited access to myself or your advisor, which includes the ability to schedule a call or send us a message at any time.

Sean Pyles:

Great. So Magda, you've worked with countless clients over your career. Thinking about all the people that you've worked with, what makes the difference between someone who's able to accomplish their financial goals and someone who maybe isn't? Is it pulling on those bootstraps really hard? Is it luck? Is it just cash on hand?

Magda Doemeny:

What's really interesting about what you said is, you talked about meeting your financial goals. And sometimes what folks will think about as it determines success is making a lot of money or being very wealthy. But it really does boil down to meeting your goals. And so whatever those goals may be—getting out of debt, accumulating wealth, buying a home—it really does come down to discipline. You have to be somebody who wants to put in the effort to make it work, to learn, to change, and to understand how to do things differently. Now, that comes with needing a professional sometimes to tell you and guide you, "Here's the direction you should go, and here are the steps you can take." But we do need to make sure that in that process, you are willing to take the steps and do some of those actions. And that's where we usually see the most success.

Sean Pyles:

Great. And sometimes that might mean trying to scrounge up more money if you're having trouble paying down debt. Getting creative, but being determined.

Magda Doemeny:

That's right. Changing your habits, which is not easy. Right? It's not easy to change how you live your lifestyle potentially, and adjust things. But if it means achieving your goals, hopefully you'll do it.

Sean Pyles:

All right, great. Well, let's get to some financial advising. In a moment, our conversation and financial planning session with a listener here in Los Angeles. Stay with us.

Okay, let's get to our guest star for the episode. Sean is a Smart Money listener who is 38 and lives here in Los Angeles with us now in the studio. Sean, welcome to Smart Money.

Sean (Listener):

Hi.

Sean Pyles:

So, always nice to have another Sean in the house.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

We'll try not to make this too confusing for everyone. To start, tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do for work? What are your hobbies? What are your feelings about money?

Sean (Listener):

For work, I'm an industrial waste inspector, which just means I work for the sewer. And hobbies, I got into ceramics recently, which is awesome. I'm terrible, but it's—

Sean Pyles:

You’ve got to start somewhere.

Sean (Listener):

... something to do. Yeah, it's fun. And that's about it. And I have two kids, so that's about the time I have for hobbies.

Sean Pyles:

I imagine that's very time-consuming.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah. And my feelings about money... I'm super cheap, super cheap. And I get a little bit anxious about spending money in any way, really. But I mean, it's not hindering my day-to-day, but I do think about it.

Sean Pyles:

You have this sort of continual anxiety around spending money.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Sean Pyles:

Okay. So, talk with us about how you and your wife manage your household finances. Do you take the lead? Does she take the lead? How do you talk about money?

Sean (Listener):

I take the lead. She's much more lax, much more lax.

Sean Pyles:

She's more of a spender than you?

Sean (Listener):

Yes. She's totally fine with it, which is great. Good for her. So, I take the lead on that and track it, probably too much, but check it a lot. And then she tells me to shut up and stop doing that.

Sean Pyles:

And do you listen?

Sean (Listener):

No. I try to bring her into my realm of like, this is what we're doing. But she doesn't worry about it as much. And I mean, probably healthily, doesn't care as much.

Sean Pyles:

So, what are you worried about specifically?

Sean (Listener):

So my parents went through a bankruptcy back in, I don't even know, 2009. And I don't have any financial education, really. I don't think that they did. We didn't really talk about what happened or anything that happened after. So, that happened.

Sean Pyles:

In some ways, that is your financial education. You learn by seeing what your parents do.

Sean (Listener):

Right. Yeah. So, there's a lack of. Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

And was the bankruptcy from the financial crisis or something else?

Sean (Listener):

It happened around 2008-9, so I'm guessing, but I did not talk to them about it. I don't even know where I was in my life, but I didn't. I was like, "Oh, that's not good," and just went my own direction. So, yeah.

Sean Pyles:

So you have some financial anxiety, but you make a decent amount of money, and your wife does too, correct?

Sean (Listener):

Yes. That's another feeling that comes with it is, I am totally aware that we are super lucky. We worked hard to get where we are, and we also had help from family. I am well aware that a majority of people are not where we are, which makes me think, "Why am I so ugh still about it?" It makes me think I should be more lax, which is why I’m here right now.

Sean Pyles:

But getting lax is hard.

Sean (Listener):

Yes, yes.

Sean Pyles:

How much do you and your wife bring in annually?

Sean (Listener):

How much do we bring in annually after—

Sean Pyles:

Yeah, like your salary.

Sean (Listener):

I think it's around three... What did I put? 317?

Magda Doemeny:

I got about 315 based on what you—

Sean Pyles:

The financial advisor knows.

Magda Doemeny:

... doing the back math. Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

Okay. But you're living in Los Angeles, an expensive city. Although I imagine that still affords you a pretty comfortable life here.

Sean (Listener):

Yes.

Sean Pyles:

I do find it kind of funny that you don't know exactly how much you bring in, but you are really tracking your money to the penny.

Sean (Listener):

I know monthly this is what comes in. But then when we get to the annual, I'm like...

Sean Pyles:

You're more focused on the small microscale?

Sean (Listener):

Yes.

Sean Pyles:

Okay.

Sean (Listener):

And then when you're asking me, "Is that after I really took out taxes? Is that after they took out 401K?" I don't know which number we're talking about.

Sean Pyles:

How to think about it?

Sean (Listener):

Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

Okay. Well, let's talk about your financial goals. What do you want from your money?

Sean (Listener):

I don't want to think about money anymore. That's what I want from it, for it to go away. But long-term, we had family that helped us, and I want to be able to help my kids in the same way.

Sean Pyles:

Like buy a house, go to college?

Sean (Listener):

Yeah. Help with a down payment on a house. I don't have any college debt because of my family, and that's amazing. I'm so grateful. And I really want to make sure I can do that, pass that along and not just be like, "Cool, I got mine." So, yeah. Long-term—

Sean Pyles:

Okay. Support your family.

Sean (Listener):

Yes.

Sean Pyles:

Yeah. You also have a pretty robust investment portfolio. Can you talk us through that? Do you have an investment manager, or do you learn things on TikTok and make trades? Or how do you approach this?

Sean (Listener):

I do not do TikTok.

Sean Pyles:

That’s probably for the best.

Sean (Listener):

I started that a long time ago when I was like, I don't know, when everyone said, "You should invest." And then from just hearing from the ether, "Put your money into investments and that's how it grows. Savings is not going to do anything for you, long-term." So I was like, "Cool. So I have to put money into investments." I did not do it in any smart way. I just was like, "I like these stocks."

Sean Pyles:

Not much of a strategy, just putting money into things?

Sean (Listener):

Yeah. And then I heard about mutual funds, spread it out. And so cool, that's what I'm doing.

Sean Pyles:

Market money funds.

Sean (Listener):

That's what I'm doing. So, that's kind of what I did. And any money that I saved, I would put into there basically to make it grow.

Sean Pyles:

Okay.

Sean (Listener):

That was my strategy.

Sean Pyles:

So I want to turn back to your worries because you are in a really objectively, fairly solid place financially with your investments, with your salary. But you have these concerns, sort of almost nebulous concerns. If you could think about what one specific concern might be, what would you pinpoint?

Sean (Listener):

I would say the robust investments. To me, it's not even real because of how much the market goes up and down. So that causes more anxiety for me. Because I put the money in there and I'm like, "Hopefully you're still there in a while." But you can see, and the way I check it probably too much, it goes down chunks at a time that you're like, "Oh my God."

Sean Pyles:

We say a lot on Smart Money, not to mind the day-to-day swings in the market.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah, I know. I know. Yes. So, I'm trying to do that. So I guess my long-term is just, my worry is that something will happen, and we don't have enough savings or it will be gone. So, all these years of saving and being crazy will be for naught. And then I'm like, "Cool. I did all that and didn't do some things I wanted to do. And now I'm in the same spot," which would be crap.

Sean Pyles:

Okay. Well, have you ever used a financial advisor before?

Sean (Listener):

I have not. No. They cost money.

Sean Pyles:

All right. Well, Sean, you've been sitting next to Magda, our NerdWallet Advisor CFP, for a little while. So let me formally introduce you, Magda, Sean. Sean, Magda.

Magda Doemeny:

Hi.

Sean Pyles:

Magda, you've been listening in on this conversation. I find this fascinating, psychologically. He again, is in a really solid place in so many ways, but it's hard to shake these concerns. And I really, Sean, relate to your concern that everything could just wash away in a crisis, everything you've worked so hard for. I assume you encounter this in your practice a decent amount. What are your thoughts on the situation?

Magda Doemeny:

I think there's two things that kind of come to mind, listening to you. The first one is about this idea that you need to pay such close attention so that you don't overspend, but you also want to enjoy life. And I think what could be really helpful is creating real medium to short-term goals so that you can actually fund them and say, "Done." And that way, you know that the things that might be giving you anxiety, whether it's paying for college, I heard, down payment on a home, there's a path to funding them so you don't have to stress about, will that actually happen? Will I actually be able to put a down payment on a home for one of my kids?

It can be really short-term too, things like if you like to travel and you need to pinch every penny on it. But you want to do it, but you have to do it so frugally. Instead, we could set an annual budget for travel, fund it, and that way you can be a little looser about what you do there. We can say, "We will put X number of dollars a month into a travel fund," if that's what it is. We can determine what that thing is. And then you can spend it all because we funded it, and we are allowed to do it. Right? And we can take away the stress of like, "Oh, I can't do this on that trip or this on that trip because let's try and nickel and dime it a little bit." And you can use the whole amount. And we can come up with a comfortable amount that fits into your budget. So, that—

Sean Pyles:

So it's like setting rules for himself, basically. Parameters for how you can enjoy your money.

Magda Doemeny:

Right. And allowing you to really let go of that particular spending piece that might also be benefiting your mental space, which is like, "I want to travel, and I want to do these things." The same things are true about home renovations and stuff like that.

Sean Pyles:

Well, Sean, I actually am wondering now, do you budget? Have you ever set aside a specific amount of money for maybe a vacation or anything like that?

Sean (Listener):

No, no. I basically just have a pool of our savings. But no, I haven't made a separate stream that's like, this is for vacation.

Sean Pyles:

And why is that, do you think?

Sean (Listener):

I don't know. I don't know.

Sean Pyles:

Yeah.

Sean (Listener):

I have in my mind, this is how much I need in savings, a number. And then above that is my wiggle space of like, "Okay, we can spend this."

Magda Doemeny:

Have you ever used your savings?

Sean (Listener):

Yeah.

Magda Doemeny:

For what?

Sean (Listener):

So recently in our home, we had a leak up in a copper pipe, like a pinhole leak or whatever. And so I had that fixed, which is, I guess, not... It had to happen anyway. But it takes a chunk out of the savings, which is fine. But it was within that window of above my baseline of, it can't go below this, which is fine. And when I am in that zone, I'm like, "Okay, that's cool. We have the money." So I get that doing a separate would work, I think, because then I could in my brain, be like, "Cool, that's for spending."

Magda Doemeny:

Right.

Sean Pyles:

Yeah. There's something really helpful about compartmentalizing your savings. I have about half a dozen, sometimes even more savings accounts, depending on what I'm doing with my money. I have one that is just like a house fund, one that's fun money, one for my car. That way I know, "Okay, I have certain pots of money that I'm building over time." And that way, when I have to get new tires on my car, I can just pull from that account. I don't feel like I'm draining my big blob of savings.

Sean (Listener):

I mean, that's smart.

Magda Doemeny:

The purpose of it is to help you stop doing so much math, which I think is the part that you go through and you're like, "Okay, here's my bottom floor. How much?" Versus no matter what you spend from X account, your emergency fund is here and you're not touching it. So if that's not even being pulled from, this is what this is for. And so, you can feel more comfortable about it.

But the other thing that I was going to talk about is this idea that everything could disappear overnight. I've spent a portion of my career also in the formal wealth management space, which is managing people's money. And this is a common fear. And for most people, it holds them back so much that they don't actually do the investments, which is really tough. So I'm glad that you're invested because truly that is how you can grow your wealth significantly. Right? Putting it, as you mentioned, in a savings account is just not going to grow at the same rate, especially when you're young and you can take on the risk.

But if you look at, now, this all depends on where you're invested, but you mentioned mutual funds. Exchange-traded funds are another very common one that we recommend that give you broad market diversification so that you're not... One stock may do this, and a fund will do this. So not as high highs, not as low lows. And think about your wealth today, even if your wealth was cut in half, other things would have to be true during those scenarios. You would need all that money right then.

Sean (Listener):

Right.

Magda Doemeny:

I don't know at what point you would need half a million dollars on the spot. And so, maybe a non-ideal time would be something that happens closer to retirement when you're actually withdrawing on the money. But again, we're not withdrawing all of your wealth tomorrow. It would be piecemealing it together.

And so, I like to try and remind folks that putting your money into the markets completely comes with risk and is very volatile. And the reason we don't want to check it all the time is because yes, that can give us anxiety. But even the worst-case scenario, as long as we're investing properly, which is not putting any money that you do need tomorrow or in the next two years, into the markets, which you're clearly not doing, and the rest of it is for 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now, then we can be comfortable with ups and downs. Because we're not required to withdraw from it. And as you get closer to needing to withdraw from it, we won't be in a fund that's going to do this. Right? We're going to be a lot more stable because we don't want to take on the market volatility that you can do today, 20, 30 years out from needing it.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

Well, Magda, as you know well, financial planning is about making changes—behavioral changes, financial changes. Let's get into some more specific recommendations for Sean. What do you think might be a good first step for him?

Magda Doemeny:

I think the first thing that I would want to figure out is, I want to narrow in on some of the real either short-term goals you might have, if any, if there's anything expensive that you need. Because I want to figure out how to get you the right amount of cash and not too much cash. Because folks like you tend to keep a lot of cash. I noticed you have a good amount in a money market fund, which is cash. And while that's earning high interest, if you don't need a car, you're not trying to buy another house, we don't want it sitting in cash, even if you have a good amount in investments. So the first thing would be for us to identify, do you have any short-term needs in the next year or two that you need cash for?

Sean (Listener):

In the next year or two?

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah. Let's call it three years. Do you need a new car? Any major renovations on your home? Any health things? Travel?

Sean (Listener):

Right. We're thinking about getting a car, but right now, not having a car now, it's super sweet. But we do need a new car at some point. So, that. But I was waiting because that's what I do. And then after that, I want to be able to get the kids into more outside-of-school lessons and things like that. So those kinds of things. And then I would like, if I could just chill, I would like the ceramics, to take more regular classes or whatever to get actual hobbies.

Magda Doemeny:

Yes.

Sean (Listener):

I'd like to have hobbies.

Magda Doemeny:

Yes, great. Well, you have two kids, so good luck. So I think with those, what we could do with some of your cash would be even immediately, siphon off what we need to support those short-term goals. So, we'd want an emergency fund for you. Generally, we say for two working adults in the same household, you only need three months. But based on the way you think about money, perfectly comfortable is six months worth of expenses.

Sean (Listener):

That was my emergency fund for a year.

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah, which you don't technically need.

Sean (Listener):

Right, right, right.

Magda Doemeny:

But we can kind of get to a place where you almost have a year, but we have put them into buckets, right?

Sean (Listener):

Let's put in different. Yeah.

Magda Doemeny:

So, we would have six months that is your emergency fund. And then we could create a kids' entertainment fund, and we could fund it for a couple of years. I mean, as long as it's in a high-yield savings account, which is earning you the top of the rate for the market today, that's okay. We can fund it. And that way, you can feel comfortable using that to pay for the monthly expenses for that. We should pre-fund a car so that you're not feeling anxious about needing it or buying it if you need it.

Sean (Listener):

Right.

Magda Doemeny:

If you really do need the car, you can afford it, so let's siphon that off. And then anything above and beyond that, we can likely put to work. I know you're also talking about funding college and a down payment on the home for your kids. There's some unique ways to save for both of those. One would be in the 529, and there's also a UTMA account, which is a custodial account you could create for your kids. That could eventually be a down payment on the home. Now when they are of age, they can do whatever they want with it, so—

Sean (Listener):

Oh, okay.

Magda Doemeny:

... you have to keep that in mind.

Sean (Listener):

Right. Okay. Huh.

Magda Doemeny:

But depending on who your kids end up being, you could do something like that. And so, we can talk about putting some money into that over time too. So, what I really want to do for you is get some of the fear out. Take that cash, put it into its designated accounts so that you can start to know that you're accomplishing the things that you want to.

And then any additional money that's coming in, 'cause it sounds like you're saving maybe $3,000 a month or more on top of contributing to your retirement. Then we can start to think about, "What do we do with that additional money? Do we use it to regularly fund these accounts or do we invest it?" If it has no home. For a goal, we can automatically put that into the markets. There's some pretty... I don't know if you use any investment managers for your accounts, but robo-advisors are a really good way to take the thinking out of it for you, which could be nice. And they're great about automatic investments. So you could send them a couple hundred dollars every month, and it will automatically invest it for you as soon as it hits the account. If you like doing that, great. I just don't like when it sits in cash for too long until you remember to click the buy button, so you could use it for that.

Sean (Listener):

All right. Okay.

Sean Pyles:

So Magda, you mentioned retirement a little bit ago. Sean, I'd like to hear how you are thinking about retirement. Have you done a retirement needs analysis? Do you understand how much you might need in terms of something like a wage replacement ratio?

Sean (Listener):

No. I think about retirement every day.

Sean Pyles:

Who doesn't?

Sean (Listener):

Every day. I haven't done any of what you just said, but no, so I have no idea.

Sean Pyles:

Well, I bring that up because I think it might be really helpful for you in particular because you have had these sort of vague concerns. And you have this pretty large amount of cash. And I think that finding specific ways to direct it, like Magda was saying, with different savings accounts or for retirement. Understanding exactly how much you and your wife might need would help you get a more tangible firm grip on what you're actually saving toward and when you might be able to actually withdraw from it.

Sean (Listener):

Yes, that would be helpful.

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah. And I do think this is another long-term goal that you could decide, which is potentially retiring early.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah.

Magda Doemeny:

Yay. I don't know. Some people want to work as long as they possibly can.

Sean (Listener):

No, no.

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah, great. So right now, when you're too far out from retirement, we kind of tend to use more generalized, "Are you on the right path? Are you saving at least 10 to 15% into your retirement?" Based on what you've submitted, you definitely have enough in assets today to be on track.

Sean (Listener):

Okay, sweet.

Magda Doemeny:

So, whoo. Which is great. Things that alter that over time are your expenses going through the roof? Unlikely in your scenario, based on your disposition. Incomes dropping, right? Somebody losing their job for an extended period of time, or something very unforeseen. But even that in general, as long as you have an income coming in, you'll be able to maintain this path. And so I think that is actually something we could talk about is, do you want to retire early? And if so, what would that number be? And how can we get to a position where you could actually hit that target? And that's something. But I want you to at least feel comfortable that today, you were on track for your retirement, you and your wife.

Sean (Listener):

Sweet.

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah.

Sean (Listener):

Thank you. Okay, good. Good to know.

Magda Doemeny:

Yeah, yeah.

Sean (Listener):

Okay. Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

Okay. Let's move to maybe some very specific next steps for Sean, something that he can do or you can do together over the next month, six months, 12 months.

Magda Doemeny:

I think what we'll want to do is dive in a little bit deeper to the numbers associated with each of those goals we were potentially talking about, so that we can figure out where the money should come from. If we should be siphoning off from your extra savings every month. Because we can do it two different ways. We can either take your cash and invest what we don't need and just start saving monthly into the funds. Or we can take some of the cash and fund them. So, I want to figure out the best way for you mentally to handle that. I also want to do a review of your investments. I know you had mentioned that you just did it. And frankly, I mean, it doesn't look bad in terms of where you are today.

Sean (Listener):

Okay, yeah.

Magda Doemeny:

So you must have done something right. And if you're using mutual funds, great. There's a couple things we like to look at there. We just want to make sure you're not overpaying on some of those mutual funds. So take a look at the fees and just look at the general makeup to make sure you have that broad diversification or not in some very narrow position. So I'd want to take a look at that.

And then the last thing I'd want to at least prioritize, based on what we talked about today, is figuring out how we want to help fund the goal that I heard you talk about, which is the kids' things. So the best way to do that, we need to calculate how much we would need to save for college, which I can help with, and that way we can figure out how much we should start contributing to those funds and how we might want to get creative about saving for things like down payments.

Sean Pyles:

How do these steps sound to you, Sean?

Sean (Listener):

Good, I mean it's in a direction. So that's great.

Sean Pyles:

Yeah, that's what you wanted—some specific direction, yeah.

Sean (Listener):

Yes, and some reassurance, like you're fine. But yes, I know that I'm not doing everything I could be doing to relax and, just like you're doing, fine, keep chugging. But having someone tell me you can do this and chill a little bit and plan and not have so much anxiety is helpful.

Magda Doemeny:

Yes, I think a structure or just a path to get where you want will ultimately help relieve, because you're in a good financial situation. I don't know if I need to shout that from the rooftops, or maybe…

Sean (Listener):

No, it's just I can't, like you said earlier, my parents... I don't have, not that you're my parents, I don't have like a person that can be like am I doing it right, so? It's just me, which is fine. I'm an adult, but I need someone else to do it, but it's different.

Magda Doemeny:

I mean, we all have our areas of expertise, right? Like I will need help if I needed to get my nutrition in shape. I'm an adult, I can eat, but I don't know what the right method is to do it in order to get the results that I want.

Sean Pyles:

It also seems like you want permission to have fun, to take that ceramics class on a weekly basis.

Magda Doemeny:

Which I do have to face with some folks, including myself sometimes. As a financial planner, you can imagine I'm as frugal as they come. Every dollar has to make sense. But over the years, you learn that if you live in such a tight position—which some people do have to do—but if you are granted the opportunity to not do that, there's ways to kind of make sure you can still enjoy the hard work and not save too much.

Sean (Listener):

Yeah.

Sean Pyles:

I want to also talk a little bit more about your relationship with your partner and, Magda, how you have helped people who are in relationships with people of different spending styles and money philosophies sort of bridge that divide and have a greater, more open dialogue about money. How do you think people can do that?

Magda Doemeny:

I think it's really important. You know, I know there's certain topics that can cause anxiety in a relationship in general, especially if you have folks who come from different backgrounds with money, let alone how they execute on money today. And I think bringing your partner into your world is not necessarily the way to do it, just like you couldn't go into her world.

You can't just forget about all the rules and the numbers and all of that. And so I think instead it's about sitting down and at least having a conversation so both parties know where you are financially, but also encouraging your partner to talk to me with you. Have you both in the room so that we can say things like it's okay to spend a little more, and she can look at you and say, yeah, and then you can also say, you know, spending this much on this type of activity makes me nervous, and she can hear that and I can come in and say, well, let's fund the goal properly so we know we're not overspending on it, so that both parties can ultimately get to where they want.

But it's really about communication and truly working with a planner or a professional in some capacity, because two people who come from different money views trying to come together can just be very challenging, and so having a third party who can kind of give you the path forward can be really helpful.

Sean Pyles:

What do you think about that, Sean?

Sean (Listener):

I agree completely. I think that she would be happy with that, yeah.

Sean Pyles:

Yeah.

Sean (Listener):

It's a conversation, so I mean, when I try to, like you said, bring her into my world, the conversation is skewed. So I would, yes, welcome that.

Sean Pyles:

Great. Well, Sean, what have your takeaways been from this conversation so far?

Sean (Listener):

I'm doing fine. I think that for me, the takeaways are I'm fine. I could also do some planning to lower my anxiety and kind of give myself permission, with your permission, to kind of... I don't know, I mean loosen up really, and that's kind of what I need to hear and that's why... I mean, I'm well aware, I'm aware that we are very lucky where we are. So my real goal is just like, can I enjoy that? You know, like I'm not... I know I'm not enjoying it and it's very hard for me to. It's hard for me to do that. So, yeah, I just... it's going to take a little work.

Magda Doemeny:

This is not going to happen overnight. We can't just throw away our spreadsheets tomorrow.

Sean Pyles:

Right. Well, Magda, let's talk about what listeners in general can take from this conversation and Sean's situation.

Magda Doemeny:

I think in general, it's important, no matter what, to be conscious of your finances, right? But there's degrees, and when you are in a position where you don't have any debt other than your home, then we have to be a little bit more strategic about how we plan and save for events, so that we don't end up just sitting on a lot of cash. Not something that, you know, folks that are in debt, I think we have to prioritize paying that down, but in your situation, I find that folks like you will end up with hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash that is just not working for you and preventing you from enjoying it.

So I do think that it's important to make sure that you: A) evaluate how much cash anybody is sitting on if you're in a position where you are making more than you are spending, and B) go back in and look at your expenses and sit down and figure out what you want. What are your goals? Determine a path forward.

Just like lots of things in life, if you can set a goal for yourself, it at least gives you a direction to go, so that you know that you're not just saving for an indefinite future of, ultimately, your passing. It is: I am saving to retire, I am saving to help my kids, or I am saving to buy a home. And it doesn't have to be one. But if you figure out and really sit down and think about what is this money for, for me, then we can create a path to actually get you in a position to feel like, oh okay, I am accomplishing, or on a path to accomplishing, those things, so I can now let go and enjoy the rest of this money, because everything else is automatically going into the accounts it needs to, and so the rest of it I can enjoy.

Sean Pyles:

Sound doable?

Sean (Listener):

Yes, yes.

Sean Pyles:

Well, Sean, thank you so much for coming on and talking with us, sharing your concerns. Hopefully, you feel a little more reassured now and maybe you can spring for a nice vacation or dinner out with your partner every once in a while. But I’m really glad that you have Magda in your corner over the coming year to help you work through this. Thank you so much.

Sean (Listener):

Thank you.

Sean Pyles:

And that’s all we have for this episode. Remember, listener, that we are here for you and your money questions. So turn to the Nerds and call or text us your questions at 901-730-6373. That’s 901-730-N-E-R-D. You can also email us at [email protected]. Visit nerdwallet.com/podcast for more info on this episode. And remember that you can follow the show on your favorite podcast app, including Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and iHeartRadio, to automatically download new episodes.

To learn more about the NerdWallet Advisors platform, go to nerdwalletadvisors.com/smart-money. Here’s our brief disclaimer: I am not a financial or investment advisor. This nerdy info is provided for general educational and entertainment purposes and may not apply to your specific circumstances.

This episode was produced by Tess Vigeland, Cody Gough and myself. A special thanks to Magda Doemeny, Georgia McIntyre, and Emily Canedo. And a big thank you to NerdWallet’s editors for all their help. And with that said, until next time, turn to the Nerds!